


90 Day Gray Fiancé - Season 1

by Piano_Padawan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 90 day fiance, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Comedy, Crack, Drama, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fluff and Crack, Gingerpilot, Humor, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Multi, Reality TV, Reylo - Freeform, Still in the Star Wars Universe Though, The First Order Sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piano_Padawan/pseuds/Piano_Padawan
Summary: 2 couples, 2 alliances, 90 days to finalize marriage plans before all war breaks lose literally...The galaxy's hottest reality TV show is back! We feature the most dysfunctional couples from across the battlefield. Recently, the First Order and the Resistance have called a truce which rests shakily on two pairs of star-crossed lovers.  Will they settle their differences enough to form a marriage that will end the war? Get ready for another season of delicious drama and overwhelming emotions in 90 Day Gray Fiancé!





	1. Episode 1: Peace At Last!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own 90 Day Fiancé, Star Wars, or anything associated with the two. All copyrighted material is intended to be used for transformative purposes, specifically parody.
> 
> This has got to be the weirdest Star Wars fic I've written yet. It's not meant to be taken at all seriously. Hope it makes people laugh at least a little.

_Recently, the First Order and the Resistance have called a 90-day truce due to romantic developments…_

_The couples have 90 days to finalize their marriage else all war break lose again between the two alliances…_

_[Fade into Rey and Kylo Ren engaged in a Force tug of war over Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber]_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Give me the lightsaber! It belonged to Grandpa!_

**_Rey:_ ** _It’s mine! You have one already! And you already have your Grandpa’s old, melted helmet!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _You have no right to talk about Grandpa’s helmet like that!_

**INTRODUCING REY, AGE 19, NOWHERE/JAKKU, RESISTANCE, ENGAGED TO KYLO REN**

**REY:** I think it’s honestly _a lot_ to ask me to rule the whole galaxy on the first date. I mean… that’s a huge commitment. I’m a busy woman. I got my whole life ahead of me. I’m not going to just tie myself down like that.

**INTRODUCING KYLO REN, AGE 29, CHANDRILA, FIRST ORDER, ENGAGED TO REY**

**KYLO:** I offered her the whole galaxy, and she refused it. Then, she still attacks me about bringing her handcuffs and Stormtroopers instead of flowers that one day in the hangar. I just don’t know what she wants anymore.

 

[ _Cut to Armitage Hux screaming at Poe Dameron over transmissions on the Command Bridge of The Finalizer]_

**_Armitage:_ ** _You did **what** to the incomplete Starkiller Base II?_

**_Poe:_ ** _Look, Hugs. We went over this. You’ve got a problem with Death Stars. It’s an addiction and if we’re going to keep this relationship together, you got to find another hobby that isn’t building Death Stars._

**_Armitage:_ ** _It’s a Starkiller! Not a Death Star!_

**INTRODUCING ARMITAGE HUX, AGE 34, ARKANIS, FIRST ORDER**

**ARMITAGE:** (in tears) Every time I make something that I can be proud of, Poe calls it a Death Star and blows it up. The latest model didn’t even look anything like a Death Star, but it’s like he doesn’t care enough about me to notice that.

**INTRODUCING POE DAMERON, AGE 32, YAVIN 4, RESISTANCE**

**POE:** I’m just trying to diffuse the tension. My dad and General Organa already don’t like Hugs, and the Death Stars really aren’t helping… also, the last model was definitely a Death Star. It was just oval-shaped instead of round…

 

_2 couples…_

_2 alliances…_

_90 days of questionable peace..._

_This is 90 Day Gray Fiancé – Season 1, Episode 1._

* * *

 

_[Cut to Rey and Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel, destroying the First Order Throne Room in the process.]_

_Kylo Ren and Rey were recently engaged, after which Supreme Leader Kylo Ren enacted the new law in the First Order making wedding engagements basis for a truce…_

**INTERVIEW WITH REY**

**REY:** I started dating Ben over Force Skype. I wasn’t really sure about Force Skype at first. Like… the first time we talked over it, I tried to shoot him, but the blaster didn’t actually hit him, and I just thought… wow, this is weird. But I decided to keep going with it. He’d tell me a lot of good gossip, about how his uncle tried to kill him and after a while, we started having some pretty good conversations.

_[Roll footage of Rey slashing Kylo Ren’s face in the collapsing forest on Starkiller.]_

Considering all the fighting and slashing and Force throwing we’d done in the past, it was kind of a nice break to just have a chance to sit down and chat and not have to worry about killing each other because the Force bond wouldn’t allow it.

At first, I was a bit turned off by the dark side stuff, but lately, the Jedi stuff hadn’t really been going that great for me. My master was really lazy. He only gave me two lessons, and he spent one of them just talking about his private life and past regrets. So, I thought, well, might as well give it a shot with Ben and his dark side business.

_[Roll footage of Kylo Ren and Rey touching hands.]_

When we touched hands for the first time over Force Skype, I saw a future where Ben was kind of less of an asshole than he is now. He also had an even more well-defined eight pack and I was like, “Hey, if the future really turns out to be like this… maybe he is the guy.”

Ben was really busy at the time of our first date, so I figured I’d go to him. I got an escape pod from the Millennium Falcon and shipped myself to the hangar of his Star Destroyer.

I’m honestly still a little disappointed about how that date started off. I mean, he got his hair done up real nice and he was actually wearing something that isn’t that “distressed” torn black cape and that horrible mask, so that was great… but really? Stormtroopers and hand-cuffs? It just killed the mood. Then, he threw a tantrum when I didn’t want to rule the galaxy with him.

**INTERVIEW WITH KYLO REN**

**KYLO:** As far as Rey is concerned, we started dating when the Force bond opened up, but I think we really started dating that day when she slashed my face in the forest.

_[Roll footage of Kylo Ren on board the First Order Emergency Medical Shuttle after getting his face slashed. He is gushing blood all over a very angry, shrieking general but doesn’t seem to care because he is clearly in love.]_

That was the closest I’d ever been to a girl before. It was a very… emotionally charged moment, which I appreciated as good basis for a relationship. I would have gotten her number if not for the crack that opened up in the ground between us. She had to rush off after that, and we both had to evacuate the planet.

The throne room date was a little disappointing. I’d done so much planning for it, and I honestly thought that after going through the trouble of killing Snoke for her and bonding with her while we fought all those Praetorian guards we’d be in a better place.

I was trying to be generous about ruling the galaxy. I could have said, “hey, do you want to rule half the galaxy?” or something like that. I think most guys wouldn’t even ask about a quarter of the galaxy, but I wanted to make it clear that we’re in this together and we’re going all the way.

**_INTERVIEWER:_ ** _Why do you think she turned you down?_

**KYLO:** I think that Rey would have said yes, if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with her friends who were getting blown up. I told her to leave them be for just a while. I was hoping we could have some one-on-one time. I don’t need _that_ much attention, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that she pay attention to me for a minute and not her stupid doomed friends.

I think Rey needs to keep her friends out of our relationship. A relationship is supposed to be between the two of us. Whether or not we care whether each other’s friends die shouldn’t have an impact.

Rey comes with so much friend baggage. She’s really social. She has… (pauses to count) at least three friends in the Resistance who she’s really overprotective of. She insists on bringing them everywhere. It’s really awkward. There’s a reason I don’t have a whole horde of friends. It’s because I’m polite.

**CUT BACK TO INTERVIEW WITH REY**

**REY:** Ben does not get along with my friends, and it’s honestly really stressful for me. I have this one friend, Finn. Ben slashed his back once and he doesn’t want to apologize, so those two are on really bad terms. I really don’t want Ben to act up and slash someone in the back during the wedding, because that would just be a mess. I’m hoping that when they spend more time with each other, there’ll be less attempted murder. So, I’ve been looking for ways for them to get used to each other. Maybe dinner or tea or something.

* * *

 

**Commercial Break** : This program is brought to you by Tosche Station! Come here for all your power-converter needs!

* * *

 

_Armitage Hux and Poe Dameron have been dating for the past few months online while attempting to kill each other in person. The couple recently met each other for the first time and are struggling to reconcile their relationship with their professional lives…_

[Cut to Armitage Hux sketching Death Star blueprints, strutting down the catwalk on the Command Bridge while screaming at technician crew, heavily caffeinated and obviously stressed out as usual.]

**CUT TO INTERVIEW WITH ARMITAGE HUX**

**ARMITAGE:** I’m a very busy man with all the new weapons we’re designing, all the paperwork for repairs for everything Ren destroyed, my sweet Tooka cat, Millie, to take care of, and just First Order life in general. I really value efficiency and online dating seemed like the most efficient way to get a boyfriend.

Poe was the first person to send me a message… out of the many messages I got on that website… and our profiles matched quite well. He said he was a high-ranking navy officer, around my age, second in command of his whole fleet, with an interest in interstellar explosives and a PhD in grenade design. I have a thing for powerful men who like to blow things up… and who are potentially rich because of their position in the hierarchy…

I didn’t know he was Rebel Scum at the time. I didn’t know he was the one who destroyed the first Starkiller. We all had fake usernames, you see, but I think that was really something he should have put on his profile. My colleagues were all saying things about how I should have known because “How many other military alliances are there in the galaxy?” and all that. But still, how was I supposed to guess he was in the Resistance?

**CUT TO INTERVIEW WITH POE DAMERON**

**POE:** I knew it was Hugs from the moment I saw his username, because no one puts the word “acquiesce” in a username except for Hugs. Also, he said his hobby was building Mega-space stations and superweapons. So, that basically narrowed it down to either the ghost of Orson Krennic or Hugs. And then he said his hair was red, and I knew it was Hugs.

**_INTERVIEWER:_ ** _And it didn’t turn you off that he was in the First Order?_

**POE:** I think it was actually kind of nice that I knew who he was. If I hadn’t known who he was… he could have been like… some random creep or something. I mean, Hugs is kind of a creep… not in the weird, stalkerish way, more in the plotting-your-demise kind of way… but he’s not a _random_ creep. He’s a cute creep. My kind of creep. Anyway, we’d communicated a lot online before the first date and I started to see something beneath the screaming and the solid layer of stress and despair and the fact that he’s probably killed half of his superiors to get where he is…

_[Cut to the Main Hangar of the Finalizer. Poe is waiting in his X-Wing, surrounded by Stormtroopers.]_

**POE:** Hugs and I are on our third in-person date. If everything goes well, I think I’m going to propose to him. I’ve been thinking about the current political situation, I’ve been talking it over with Rey, and we both feel like having some kind of marital bond with the First Order would really help to keep the truce together and stop them from killing us all… I mean, that’s part of it, but the biggest thing is that I love Hugs, and after meeting him in-person, I think I love him more overall…

**_First Order Stormtrooper:_ ** _Sir, you’re going to have to move your X-Wing. You can’t park here. This whole hangar is barred off for the Stormtrooper Helmet Craft Fair._

**_Poe_ ** _: I’m just picking up my boyfriend. It’ll be really quick._

**ARMITAGE:** Dameron is incapable of parking his ship legally. I think it’s a Resistance thing. Ren says that scavenger girl also parked her escape pod illegally.

_[Roll footage of Armitage writing 6,000 credit check to pay for parking violations, hunched over his desk with his head in his hands, looking even more stressed than usual.]_

I’ve paid about 6,000 credits worth of parking violation tickets by now. He never pays for any of them himself. He says he has a job with the Resistance, but the Resistance is broke so he’s basically unemployed. I found out after our first date that he got his PhD in grenade _aesthetic_ design, which is basically the art of painting mocking messages onto bombs before dropping them on a dreadnought, and the job market really isn’t great for that right now…

I was really hoping to marry someone rich enough to let me quit my job so I wouldn’t have to deal with Ren. I used to love my job, and I still love some parts of it, mainly the catwalk on the Bridge and the way that I always have people to listen to my monologues, but ever since Ren became Supreme Leader, things have just been emotionally and physically agonizing.

_[Roll footage of Kylo Ren pushing Armitage off the catwalk into the technician pit on 21 different occasions.]_

My boss’s immaturity has reached an appalling level. Just the other day, I saw him trying to drink a jogan fruit juice box. He couldn’t puncture the box with his straw, so he used his lightsaber. That spilled juice all over the floor, and then he made me clean it up. I was hoping to find a guy with enough money that I could at least take a break for a few years.

That being said, I’m not a gold-digger. I just hope that Dameron realizes everything I’m putting up with for the sake of supporting both of us, and my cat, and his spoiled-rotten droid.

_[Armitage runs over to the X-Wing, flustered and embarrassed. There is already a crowd of nosy Stormtroopers and First Order Officers gathering to witness the drama.]_

**_Armitage_ ** _: Dameron, move your damn ship._

**_Poe_ ** _: Oh, hey, Hugs. Good, you’re here. Get in, so we can go to the restaurant._

**_Armitage_ ** _: Get in where?_

**_Poe_ ** _: Here._

**_Armitage_ ** _: The X-Wing? You want me to squeeze next to you in that piece of junk?_

**POE:** Honestly, Hugs can be a ship snob. He doesn’t like to fly anything less than 500,000 credits, but he doesn’t want to admit that he’s a ship snob, so he always pretends it’s a safety hazard. Everything’s a safety hazard with him… just the other day, I forgot to put away a box of stick-on bombs which I got from Han Solo ages ago. I think I left them on the kitchen counter. Hugs threw an total fit. Apparently, I left them too close to the stove and that was like a safety hazard or something.

**_Armitage_ ** _: There’s no room in there! It’s not safe and the cockpit smells like k******* porgs!_

**_Poe_ ** _: Look, can you get over the porgs, already? I cleaned the porg nest out of the cockpit weeks ago and you still won’t stop harping on me about it…_

**_Armitage_ ** _: Porgs carry diseases and that thing looks like it’s going to blow up any second now._

**_Poe_ ** _: Come on, Hugs. Don’t make a scene._

**_Armitage_ ** _: I am NOT making a scene! You seriously think I’m the one making a k******* scene?!_

**ARMITAGE:** Dameron is really oversensitive. Every time I disagree with him and speak up about it, he goes on about how I need to control my temper. But if he thinks, I’m going to get into some crumby, cramped X-Wing that’s full of porg germs just because he can’t stand to lose an argument, he’s got another thing coming. (tearing up) It just hurts me how little he cares about my wellbeing, that he’d expose me to porg germs so carelessly…

**_Armitage_ ** _: That’s it. I’m calling a shuttle!_

**_Poe_ ** _: Oh, no, no, no, no… we are not getting another First Order shuttle! Not after what happened the last time!_

**_Armitage_ ** _: Oh, for the love of dearly departed Supreme Leader Snoke… not this again!_

**_Poe_ ** _: You know what happened…_

**_Armitage_ ** _: You’re seriously going back to this?!_

**_Poe_ ** _: Let me finish! You know what happened the last time!_

**POE:** The last time we used a First Order shuttle to fly to one of our dates, Armitage attached a light-speed tracker to the shuttle and used it to find the new Resistance Base. General Organa was really pissed, and I was caught in the middle of this huge fight between them. It was just a mess.

**_Poe_ ** _: Do you promise not to blow up my friends, this time?_

**_Armitage_ ** _: What does that have to do with anything?_

**_Poe_ ** _: Do you promise?_

**_Armitage_ ** _: I can’t promise anything with your friends, and it’s not fair that I should have to promise not to blow things up after what you did with the first Starkiller._

**_Poe_ ** _: It’s always about Starkiller with you? Can’t we just move on?_

**ARMITAGE:** Dameron will forgive his friends for whatever they do. They vandalized my property the other day. They spray painted a very disturbing picture of some old bearded man in a bathrobe milking a Thala siren on my dreadnought and then blew it up. So, I blew up their escape pods. And then I get a call from Dameron about how I need to control my temper… of course, I’m always the bad guy in all of this. I hate being vilified for no reason. It really gets me down.

* * *

 

_[Cut to Rey baking Grow Your Own Bread]_

**REY:** I’ve decided to have Finn over for tea and see if he can get along with Ben. I’ve made some nice treats, special jogan-berry bread from Jakku. So, hopefully they’ll be in a good mood and work things out. At least, maybe Finn will be in a good mood. Honestly, Ben has been in a pretty constant bad mood lately…

INTERVIEW WITH KYLO REN

**KYLO:** Rey acts like I’m in a bad mood because I just feel like being sad. I wish she’d understand that I’ve been really stressed out. I’m under a lot of pressure. The whole line of Skywalker comes down to me, the whole First Order comes down to me. I don’t even really like either, to be honest. The Skywalkers tried to kill me… Hux tried to kill me… she tried to kill me but I think we’re past that stage in the relationship… I’ve got a lot of people against me in this world, and not many people with me. I feel really alone ruling the galaxy all by myself, and I hope that Rey will be more supportive in the future.

_[Finn rings the doorbell to the throne room, which is set to the tune of The Imperial March.]_

**INTERVIEW WITH FINN, REY’S BEST FRIEND**

**FINN:** I really didn’t want to have tea in the First Order. All they’re tea is made by General Hux, so it’s really bitter and taste like anxiety. But, Rey really wanted me there and I’ve got to support her. The rest of the Resistance and I are still hoping that if we support her enough, she’ll start rethinking Kylo Ren.

_[Rey answers the doorbell.]_

**_Rey_ ** _: Hey, thanks for coming all this way. Hope the security didn’t give you too much trouble._

**_Finn_ ** _: I actually just got in using my old First Order ID. They apparently haven’t gotten around to revoking it on basis of treason, probably because their whole ID system got slashed in half with a lightsaber._

**KYLO:** So, I’m sitting at the throne. I can hear literally everything they’re saying and I already know that traitor’s talking shit about me, making fun of my lightsaber, berating me for showing my emotions and generally making me feel like an outcast…

**_Kylo_ ** _: (from across the room) No, not him. He is not coming in here!_

**_Rey_ ** _: Ben, we went over this before. I told you he was coming but you didn’t hear me because you were too busy slashing the ID system._

**_Kylo_ ** _: I told you, I don’t feel like human contact today! (force slams the door shut)_

**_Rey_ ** _: Did you just do that? Did you just slam the door?!_

**_Kylo_ ** _: I didn’t slam the door. I just shut it forcefully. You’re so oversensitive!_

**_Rey_ ** _: Yes, you did! You owe Finn an apology for Force slamming the door in his face!_

**_Kylo_ ** _: Oh, yeah. It’s always me who owes Finn the apology. Have you ever stopped to think about whether Finn might owe me an apology?_

**_Rey:_ ** _What does Finn have to apologize for?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Well, maybe if you’d stop to think about it, you’d think of something!_

**KYLO:** Rey gets really angry when I use the Force on doors. I think she’s bitter that she didn’t take up my offer to help her with the Force, so she doesn’t know how to use it on doors. I’ve learned from observing my mom and dad that people who have problems with doors are really sensitive about it.

_[Roll old footage compilation of the late Han Solo’s various struggles with doors before and throughout Kylo’s life.]_

Dad had a big problem closing doors when he meant to open them… it almost got both my parents killed at one point. But he refused to admit he had a problem. He didn’t want to go for door lessons or anything…

After seeing what happened to my parents’ marriage, I really hope that Rey comes to terms with her issues with Force opening doors soon.

**REY:** We didn’t get to have tea with Finn. Ben and I got into a fight about the door and we ended up running our lightsabers through it in the process. Now, we need a new door on top of everything.

**KYLO:** I think the door is a metaphor for our relationship right now. There’s a gaping hole in it now, because maybe we both made some mistakes, but mainly because Rey can’t come to terms with the fact that she doesn’t know how to use the Force to open and close the door. I think, if we were more honest about some things, our relationship would heal, just like the door will be repaired eventually.

* * *

 

**Commercial Break** : The galaxy is so crowded with natural wonders, technology, history, all spectacles that you’ve seen before. Now, experience a new type of paradise, one without natural wonders, technology or history. Experience the pure epitome of nowhere. Visit Jakku, where Nothing meets Nowhere. (This message has been brought to you by the Jakku Ministry of Tourism.)

* * *

 

_Meanwhile, Armitage and Poe are in the middle of dinner for their third in-person date._

**_Poe_ ** _: So, we need to talk about some things._

**_Armitag_ ** _e: Oh, stars. What now?_

**_Poe_ ** _: When we were talking earlier, you were talking about the “first Starkiller”._

**_Armitage_ ** _: I was trying to be specific._

**_Poe_ ** _: That gives me the impression that you’re making more Death Stars._

**_Armitage_ ** _: Starkillers. Not Death Stars._

**_Poe_ ** _: Same thing._

**_Armitage_ ** _: (stabs knife through food angrily) No! It is not the same! It is **so** not the same!_

**ARMITAGE:** My job is a really significant part of my life, and it hurts me that Dameron cares so little about it. He can’t even get the name of my projects right. Hell… he can’t even get my name right sometimes.

**_Poe_ ** _: Don’t you think it’s time you started doing something with your life besides making Death Stars? Something fun, like going back to those aerobics classes you used to take or taun taun riding therapy or sand art on Jakku or…_

**_Armitage_ ** _: So, now you’re trying to call me lazy? Is that what I’m hearing? I don’t do anything with my life except design Death Stars in the job that supports both of us financially, so I need to start “doing something with my life”? Are you k******* kidding me?!_

**_Poe_ ** _: Hey, woah… calm down. It’s just, you know my opinion of Death Stars. And you know what my dad and General Organa think of Death Stars, and let’s be real. You’re not exactly on the best terms with them right now._

**_Armitage_ ** _: I’m not going to dump my job just to please your dad and Organa when they’ve already got a grudge against me for no reason…_

**_Poe_ ** _: No reason? Really, Hugs. I love you, but you can be difficult sometimes, so I don’t think…_

**_Armitage_ ** _: Okay, okay. Fine! No more Starkiller Bases, no more anything that even remotely looks like a Death Star. (sobbing) I’m just going to throw away my passion and my art and feel like a constant failure because you can’t let me have this one tiny piece of joy in life!_

**POE:** Seeing Hugs in tears like that just really got to me. I still think he has a problem with the Death Stars, but maybe I didn’t approach it the right way… I didn’t realize that Starkillers were the only thing that brought him joy, but then I looked at him, and I thought, “wow, that is a really sad, joyless man”. I want Hugs to be happy. When he’s happy, he’s really cute. When he’s not happy, he gets all screamy and murderous and starts creepily running his fingers over his monomolecular blade, and I really don’t want that.

**_Poe_ ** _: Hey, Hugs… I’m sorry if that sounded harsh. I’ll buy you a drink._

**_Armitage_ ** _: (hiccupping from crying too much) I don’t want a drink. I feel like shit now and it’s all your fault. I will blow up the whole Resistance base tomorrow, I swear._

**_Poe_ ** _: No, honey, don’t do that._

**_Armitage_ ** _: I might as well. What’s the point of keeping this truce if you’re just going to keep attacking me like this?_

**_Poe_ ** _: I’ll make it up to you. Tell, you what. Tomorrow I’m going to jump in my X-Wing and blow up something for you, just like old times. Any ship you want. How does that sound, baby?_

**ARMITAGE:** At that point, I was still feeling pretty drained and terrible. But I suppose it was nice of Dameron to offer to blow up one of my rivals for me. It’s not very often that you find a man who’s willing to do that level of destruction for you and looks hot when he does it.

_Fifteen minutes later…_

**_Poe_ ** _: (getting down on one knee and holding up ring)_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(hyperventilating) Oh stars… Oh k****… It’s happening…_

**POE:** Hugs and I had a few rough spots during our third date, but there were also a lot of positives. For one thing, when we couldn’t find another ride besides the X-Wing to get to the restaurant, Hugs just went into the hangar and bought a brand-new TIE XE Silencer. He also paid for dinner when we couldn’t decide how to split the check for dessert. Which shows he has money… but also problem-solving skills, and I value problem-solving skills in a partner. Money is a nice bonus.

So, I decided to go ahead and propose. Overall, I have a really good feeling about the engagement. I always weigh the pros and the cons. Yes, Hugs can be very angry sometimes, he has a lot of moral baggage, and he can be a bit of a crazed evil scientist when he’s in one of those moods, but he also has a really nice figure, pretty hair when it isn’t totally covered in gel, and a lot of money he inherited from Snoke and other dead old guys he killed. So, I think it’s going to be good.

**ARMITAGE:** Is it orthodox to marry Rebel Scum? No. Is Dameron really k******* annoying and tends to destroy my fleet and be the reason for all my career failures? Yes. But I suppose we’ll make it work. Ren’s already engaged, and if that hunk of garbage and self-pity can find a partner, it would look really bad for me not to have one. I’m not very insecure about that, but the First Order can be very superficial about these things…

I’m not desperate either. I could have my pick of any man in the First Order or the Resistance. I’m going to have to turn down a lot of suitors now that I’m engaged. I’d better go call them now and tell them to stop sending me things.

But that’s besides the point. All in all, I think there is a lot of strategic value in being married to a skilled pilot who can blow things up for you later on in the relationship. So, I’d say this is mostly a marriage of strategy. I don’t have romantic emotions, as far as I know, and I’m not silly enough to prioritize things like romantic eyes and appealing physique and all that…

* * *

 

Next Up on 90 Day Gray Fiancé…

_[Cut to Kylo Ren overturning tables and chairs in the bedroom, looking desperately for something.]_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Rey! Where’s my helmet! (overturns bed in the process of searching for his helmet) I just had it glued back together!_

**_Rey:_ ** _It fell apart again, so I threw it out!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _You did what?!_

**REY:** If you had to listen to that voice as I’ve had to, you’d also have thrown out that melded costume party item…

**KYLO:** I’m just in shock…

 

_[Cut to Poe Dameron running for his life down the halls of the Finalizer away from Phasma, who is carrying a long, sharp, metal stick.]_

**ARMITAGE:** Phasma is like a big sister to me and a little protective. She has tried to impale every man I have ever dated and has succeeded with everyone except for Dameron.

**POE:** I think that Phasma needs to take a step back…

**PHASMA:** Armitage is only 34 and way too young for this…

_And don’t miss our upcoming droid special episodes…_

_[Roll footage of BB-9E and BB-8 beeping passionately and angrily at each other]_

**BB-9E:** Beep beep. Blip.

[Binary Translation: I swear, I will burn down the whole Resistance if it keeps ruining things like this for us.]

**BB-8:** Beep blip.

[Binary Translation: BB-9E say scary things about fire. Really likes fire. So does BB-8, but BB-9E like it too much…]


	2. Episode 2: Living with the In-Laws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the format of the DirectTV commercials.

_Previously on 90 Day Gray Fiancé…_

 

_[Fade into Kylo Ren Force-Slamming the door in Finn’s face…]_

**_Rey_ ** _: Did you just do that? Did you just slam the door?!_

**_Kylo_ ** _: I didn’t slam the door! I just shut it forcefully. You’re being oversensitive!_

 

_[Cut to Armitage Hux and Poe Dameron at their third date, Armitage in tears.]_

**_Armitage_ ** _: (hiccupping from crying too much) I don’t want a drink. I feel like shit now and it’s all your fault. I will blow up the whole Resistance base tomorrow, I swear._

**_Poe_ ** _: No, honey, don’t do that._

_[Cut to a few moments later.]_

**_Poe_ ** _: (kneeling on one knee, holding up ring made from recycled debris from the Starkiller explosion) Hugs, wanna marry me?_

**_Armitage_ ** _: (hyperventilating) Oh stars… Oh k****… It’s happening…_

_2 couples…_

_2 alliances…_

_90 days of questionable peace..._

_This is 90 Day Gray Fiancé – Season 1, Episode 2._

* * *

 

_[Cut to Armitage Hux gelling down his hair and straightening the shoulder pads of his uniform.]_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(calling to Poe in the bedroom) Dameron! Are you getting ready or what?_

**_Poe:_ ** _Yeah! Just give me a minute, I need to put on another blaster… not blaster, I meant blazer. Yeah…_

**INTERVIEW WITH ARMITAGE HUX**

**ARMITAGE:** Poe and I are getting ready to meet my sister-in-conspiracy, Phasma. This is a little bit of a surprise as until recently, I’d thought that Phasma had perished in the fiery inferno on the wrecked _Supremacy_ Star Destroyer, but it turns out her armor is fire and fall proof, and she had enough credits on her for a space taxi to get back to our main fleet.

_[Roll footage of Armitage Hux blissfully sifting through an old datapad with nolstagic pictures of himself, the late Supreme Leader Snoke and Phasma on various outings to crush the loathsome Resistance. A few photos have Kylo Ren’s face blotted out of them.]_

Phasma, Snoke and I were a really close family until Ren came along and ruined it. Phasma was always like a big sister to me. She used to tease me when I was younger. We’d have these silly squabbles like all siblings do. (laughing) For instance, there was one time when we had a fight over who the Stormtroopers were loyal to and she threw me down a thirty-story shaft on Starkiller. I was hanging off a little ledge about halfway from the bottom screaming for three hours before Snoke heard me and picked me up with the Force. Other times, she’d be really protective of me. I don’t know how many people she’s poisoned because she was being protective. It’s kind of sweet, but also can be kind of a problem because we lose officers very quickly in the First Order that way.

_[Cut to Poe rifling through drawers of blasters and hand grenades in the bedroom.]_

**INTERVIEW WITH POE DAMERON**

**POE:** When I heard we were going to be meeting Hugs’ sister, I figured I had better be prepared. I’ve heard some things about Phasma from Finn. He says that she has weird pet peeves…

**_Poe:_ ** _Hey, Hugs? Do I have to wear a helmet?_

**_Armitage:_ ** _What?! No! Why would you even suggest such an idiotic thing?_

**_Poe:_ ** _I dunno…_

**POE:** Finn said that Phasma has this pet peeve about people wearing helmets. I wasn’t sure whether I might want to wear one to make her open up to me marrying Hugs. The only helmet I have is the X-Wing pilot helmet and Hugs said that it would be in bad taste to wear that around the ship after I tried to blow up so many people. Finn also mentioned that she’s got this weird thing about protecting Hux’s chastity until he’s over 50. I heard she gutted someone once because of that.

**ARMITAGE:** I think Phasma overreacted that one time in my office. She was in a little bit of a violent mood that day, we all get like that… but on the other hand, part of me was kind of glad. I was trying to send that guy signals that I wasn’t interested in a date. He probably would have gotten the message eventually if Phasma hasn’t disemboweled him. It was a big mess too. It took five rolls of paper towels to clean up my office afterward.

**_Armitage:_ ** _Dameron? What’s taking so long. (steps into bedroom and catches Poe examining blaster) I thought you were getting ready for dinner with Phasma?_

**_Poe:_ ** _I am. I’m just getting a few precautions._

**_Armitage:_ ** _Dameron…_

**_Poe:_** _(sighs and tries to hug Armitage) Look, honey. I don’t mean to offend you, but I feel like your pals in the Order aren’t really gonna like me, and you know… better safe than sorry._

**_Armitage:_ ** _What? Oh, no. That’s not what I meant. (goes to drawer and pulls out a bigger blaster) I was about to say that if you’re going to take “precautions” around my family, you’re going to need a better weapon than that little blaster. You’ll need a real stun gun at least… and probably some other things. I’ll get something for you. But regardless, the best thing you can do with Phasma is probably run for your life if she doesn’t like you. (turns to leave)_

**_Poe:_ ** _But, you think she’ll like me, right? At least a little?_

_[Armitage slams door shut behind him without answering.]_

**POE** : I’m not gonna lie. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Like, whenever Hugs and I talk about him meeting my fam in the Resistance, I try to comfort him that they’re going to like him – because there’s always a 1-in-2,000 chance that they will – even if I’m a little on edge about them meeting. Having Hugs tell me I need to be armed with three blasters, a Chandrilan army knife and the keys to an emergency escape craft in case things don’t go well with Phasma is making me a little nervous. I was really hoping I could just marry Hugs without having to blow up the rest of the First Order, but if things are going to be bad, I don’t know what’ll happen.

**ARMITAGE:** I didn’t _exactly_ mean to scare Dameron, but I’d rather have a scared fiancé than a dead fiancé. I can’t date ghosts… Ren says some people can date Force ghosts… apparently, his Uncle Lando tried it for a few months, but that’s just not my thing.

 

* * *

 

_[Cut to Kylo Ren blow drying his hair.]_

**INTERVIEW WITH KYLO REN**

**KYLO:** After the argument with Rey over the door, I’m feeling down, and when I’m feeling down, I like to get my hair looking nice and go to the gym in my favorite high pants… just things that get my self-confidence back up again.

_[Roll footage of Kylo doing lightsaber kickboxing, using the new tech on the command bridge as kickboxing equipment. A few officers and Stormtroopers pass by, shaking their heads, but do not stop him.]_

Afterwards, I usually blow out some steam and talking things through with Rey gets a little easier.

_[Cut to Rey shooting holes through the wall of the throne room.]_

_Producer: What are you doing?_

**_Rey:_ ** _I’m upset… when I’m upset, I shoot holes in walls. I’ve talked to my friends about it. They say it’s not the healthiest coping mechanism but I’ve never actually shot anyone who wasn’t a Force bond projection._

**INTERVIEW WITH REY**

**REY:** I’m not trying to avoid talking things over with Ben. Sometimes, I do try to blast him before the conversation starts, but only if I sense he’s going to say something stupid, you know. Like, ‘you’ll bring Luke Skywalker to me’ or something along those lines. I don’t have time to listen to that.

_[Cut to Kylo Ren returning from his workout.]_

**_Kylo:_ ** _So, uh… I see that there are new holes in the wall._

**_Rey:_ ** _You got a problem with it?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _No, it looks nice. Adds to the décor, the whole theme we have going here of things being ripped apart, struggling, conflicted and all that._

**KYLO:** Rey does have a bit of an artistic side. Like the way she cut my face right here (points to scar) ended up being a really fashionable scar. She does her hair pretty nicely sometimes too. I told her she should do an online tutorial for those three buns she has. She could get famous on StarTube, especially if I gave her a kick start on my hair styling channel. Maybe I can show her the ways of becoming an Internet star while I’m showing her the ways of the Force later.

**_Rey:_ ** _You’re wearing the high-waisted work-out pants and you’re all sweaty. What were you doing? Don’t tell me you were out killing Resistance fighters…_

**_Kylo:_ ** _I was just smashing Hux’s belongings. Why do you have to accuse me all the time?_

**_Rey:_ ** _I don’t!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _You need to stop accusing me of murder! Every time I come back from somewhere, you accuse me of murder!_

**_Rey:_ ** _Because almost every time you go out, you kill someone!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _(groaning) Is this about my dad again? You really need to get over that. I told you before, it’s over now, and it won’t happen again._

**KYLO** : I think that in a healthy relationship, you’re not supposed to accuse the other person of murder. Even if they might have done it. There has to be some degree of trust.

**REY:** I don’t think I’ve ever accused Ben of doing something without reason to believe that he did something, which is most of the time. He only really leaves the area around the throne room to go to the gym, go get his hair done or kill someone. So, when he’s gone, sometimes I get kind of concerned. Like… is he going to come back all gross and sweaty? Is he going to have some weird hairdo? Is he going to come back with a dead body? I just don’t know with him.

**_Kylo:_ ** _Look, I’ve had a really long day today being Supreme Leader and all, and you’re just stressing me out by being really hard to talk to. So, I’m just going to go now and have some alone time with Grandfather. (storms off)_

**_Rey:_ ** _Fine! (goes back to shooting more holes into the wall)_

**REY:** Every time I try to talk things over with Ben, it usually ends with me either running a lightsaber through his face or him running off to go cry to his grandpa’s melted helmet. He needs to realize that what our relationship needs is communication, not melted helmets.

 

* * *

 

Commercial Break:

(A black and white montage shows Luke Skywalker is in the middle of straightening his Jedi robes in his hut on Ahch-To when his phone goes off with an event reminder. He looks at it with profound despair.)

_Have you ever had a commitment that you wish you could skip out? Maybe it’s a dinner party with neighbors you aren’t close to, a family gathering, your nephew’s 16 th birthday, or a doomed battle within the Resistance and the First Order that just happens when you’re not really feeling this whole galactic conflict thing._

(Cut to Leia in the abandoned Rebel Base on Crait receiving a text from Luke saying “I can’t come :(“. She goes into such a fit of rage, that she begins knocking over monitors and attacking Finn and Poe in her frustration, shouting muted curses about Luke.)

_You try to give your family a rain check, but they just don’t understand you’re busy._ _Well, now you can clear up your schedule while skipping the drama with AstralProject!_

(The ad switches the color, showing Luke Skywalker showing up as an astral projection. Leia immediately calms down. Luke gives her Han’s dice. The two are delighted to have these dice and all is well in the world thanks to AstralProject.)

_AstralProject allows you to send a life-sized projection of yourself to fulfill whatever boring or pointless obligation you’ve gotten stuck in. AstralProject projections are super customizable and so lifelike, even your own relatives won’t be able to tell it isn’t you! It’s easy and instant! No more falling asleep during mandatory medal ceremonies or pre-destruction speeches. No more long wait times in traffic, trying to get to the planet where the battle’s at._

(Cut to a charming montage of Luke on Ahch-To enjoying the beautiful scenery and playing with cute baby porgs.)

_Disclaimer: AstralProject has been classified by the Jedi Department of Commercial Products as an emotionally and physically draining item. Side effects include involuntary levitation, involuntary meditation, dying alone, seeing double suns, confusing your loved ones, injury to others caused by your confused loved ones who lose all sense of reason upon seeing your astral projection, making your loved ones morally conflicted and generally unstable. Cases in which one’s astral projection appears several years younger than themselves while one’s actual self ages by several years in the process have been reported. AstralProject should not be used in the presence of members of the First Order under the age of 40, as it has been known to cause involuntary ceaseless firing of AT-M6s at small targets. AstralProject should not be used at any times to impersonate Emperor Palpatine, as this is both a legal issue and a prank in very bad taste. AstralProject should not be used an excuse to neglect speaking about attempted murders or misplaced droids._

(End of montage.)

_When there’s a battle, don’t show if you don’t want to go! Talk to your Jedi Master now about AstralProject!_

* * *

 

_Poe and Armitage have decided to meet Captain Phasma at the Caf and Cannons Café on the Finalizer…_

_This is the first time Armitage has seen Phasma in months…_

_It is also the first time Armitage has introduced Poe as his fiancé to anyone in the First Order since their engagement…_

_[Fade into Poe bolting down out of the café down the hall of the Finalizer, pursued by Phasma who is armed with a very long pointed metal stick. Armitage is still inside the café, sobbing.]_

**_First Order Officer:_ ** _Sir?_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(crying) Just, leave me alone._

**ARMITAGE:** I had a feeling thing’s weren’t going to go well when I entered the café and saw Phasma holding a long-pointed stick. The moment I told Phasma Poe and I were engaged, she charged at him. They both ran out before I could even try to explain… (tearily) No one even lets me talk in the First Order. They always either tune me out or throw me into something.

_[Poe and Phasma are screaming and fighting outside of the café. The noise has attracted quite a crowd.]_

**_First Order Officer:_ ** _Er… do you think you should check on them?_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(wiping tears with handkerchief) I think I just need to sit down and let the stress settle. Dameron can handle himself. He’s a fast runner._

**_Poe:_ ** _(shouting outside the café) HUGGSSSS!!!!_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(reluctantly getting out of seat)_

_[Sirens begin to blare in the background.]_

**_Armitage:_ ** _Oh, k****! What did you do?! What did you k******* do?!_

* * *

 

_[Cut to footage of Kylo Ren dressing after a shower, walking around the bedroom in high pants, in search of something.]_

**_Rey:_ ** _What are you doing? How long does it take you to put a shirt?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _I need to put on my helmet first! Don’t you know the helmet comes before the shirt?_

**_Rey:_ ** _Can you put a cowl on in the meantime?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _For the last time, Rey! There are no cowls in the First Order!_

**KYLO:** I think that Rey is having a hard time adjusting to the fashion in the First Order. She keeps asking about cowls. I guess the Resistance has a lot of cowls and leather jackets and stuff. We don’t really have that. It’s a little annoying because she doesn’t like wearing the clothes you can buy in the First Order. So, she always has to go clothes shopping somewhere else. It’s too bad.

**REY:** I’m really not that hard to please when it comes to clothes. I mean, clothes on Jakku are junk… like everything else, but at least they’re comfortable. All the First Order stuff is just stiff.

_[Roll footage of Rey browsing through First Order clothing section, searching desperately for something that doesn’t have shoulder pads and doesn’t come with a helmet.]_

The other day, Kylo got me this shirt and I found pieces of cardboard in the shirt. It’s no wonder all the officers look so on edge all the time.

**KYLO:** Hux recommended the shirt. I Force-choked him for that afterwards.

_[Cut to Kylo Ren overturning tables and chairs in the bedroom, looking desperately for something.]_

**_Kylo_ ** _: Rey! Where’s my helmet! (overturns bed in the process of searching for his helmet) I just had it glued back together!_

**_Rey_ ** _: It fell apart again, so I threw it out!_

**_Kylo_ ** _: You did what?!_

**REY** : If you had to listen to that voice as I’ve had to, you’d also have thrown out that melded costume party item. Kylo and I really have communication problems, and I think part of it is just that his voice with the mask on irritates me and I just want to tune it out and play Jakku folk music in my head or something else to get rid of it. And the helmet wouldn’t have broken in the first place if Kylo would stop smashing it into the elevator wall.

**_Kylo:_ ** _You know how much that helmet means to me! I made it with Grandfather!_

**_Rey:_ ** _How could you make it with your grandfather when you weren’t even alive when he was around?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _I said I made it **with** my Grandfather! As in I got some of the debris from his suit from where Luke burned him on Endor and used it to make the helmet!_

**KYLO** : I’m just in shock that she’d do something so callous. The fact that the helmet was falling apart really reflected the way that I have been emotionally falling apart lately. So, when she threw out the helmet, it’s like she threw out my emotions… (stares into space) Oh, Force… that’s really poetic. I should make a song with those lyrics.

**_Kylo:_ ** _I told you to stop throwing out my stuff without asking! What did… where’s Grandfather? Don’t tell me you threw out Grandfather too!_

**_Rey:_ ** _I did not! (sighs) I put your grandfather’s melted helmet in the storage room._

**_Kylo:_ ** _You don’t have any right to put grandfather in storage!_

**KYLO:** Rey does not get along well with Grandfather. The worst part is that, he’s just a helpless metal head and can’t say anything to defend himself. I hope she realizes that once we get married, he’s also going to be her Grandfather in an in-law kind of way. So, she needs to start being nicer to him.

**_Rey:_ ** _I just couldn’t stand him staring at us while we sleep every night!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Okay. You need to show Grandfather more respect! First, you put him in storage. Then, you accuse him of being some creep that stares at young couples when they sleep! Grandfather did nothing wrong!_

**KYLO:** I don’t know how to break it to Rey that because Grandfather is also a Force ghost now, he could appear at any time and stare at us regardless of where she moves the helmet. I think it’s sweet that he’s looking out for us, but I don’t think she’ll take it well.

**_Rey:_ ** _Ben, your grandfather killed younglings!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Argh! That’s in the past! For the last time, it’s in the past! How many times do I have to tell you to kill the past?!_

**REY:** Ben needs to get over this thing about killing the past. It was kind of cool and dark the first time he said it, but now that that’s his answer to everything I say, it’s getting really old.

* * *

 

**_Commercial Break_ ** _: If you join the First Order, you are surrounded by people wearing black. If you are surrounded by people wearing black, you decide to wear black yourself. If you decide to wear black yourself, you absorb a lot of heat. If you absorb a lot of heat, you find yourself desperately trying to cool down on Jakku. If you find yourself desperately trying to cool down on Jakku, you cool yourself next to a carbonite freezer. If you cool yourself next to a carbonite freezer, you accidentally push random buttons on the carbonite freezer. If you accidentally push random buttons on the carbonite freezer, you accidentally freeze a nearby porg. And if you accidentally freeze a nearby porg, you are haunted by the porg’s ghost screeching in your head. Don’t be haunted by a porg’s ghost screeching in your head. Forget the First Order. Join the Resistance._

* * *

 

_[Fade into Phasma fighting off thirty Stormtrooper cops. The cops have also arrested several other clueless café patrons. Armitage comes hurrying out of the café.]_

**_Armitage:_ ** _Who the hell called the cops?!_

**_Poe:_ ** _Sorry, Hugs. I had to. Phasma was trying to spear me._

**_Phasma:_ ** _I WILL CUT YOU! YOU TOUCH ARMITAGE AGAIN AND I WILL CUT YOU!_

**INTERVIEW WITH CAPTAIN PHASMA**

**PHASMA:** Armitage is way too young to get engaged. He doesn’t understand these things. I still haven’t gotten around to explaining to him where baby Stormtroopers come from. Snoke always told him and Ren a few years ago that babies happen when storks kidnap them from baby factories in the Outer Rim, and both of them still believe that.

**_Armitage:_ ** _Wait. Then, why is everyone else under arrest too?_

**_Poe:_ ** _Uh… the Stormtroopers kind of got overzealous about arresting people._

_[Meanwhile the Stormtroopers have run out of people to arrest and, out of boredom and confusion, have begun to arrest each other just for fun.]_

**_Armitage:_ ** _(yelling at Stormtroopers) What do you think you’re doing!_

**_Stormtroopers:_ ** _(putting handcuffs on MSE droid) Arresting people. We got called here, so…_

**ARMITAGE:** I don’t know how things escalated so quickly. One moment Phasma was chasing down my fiancé, just like I thought she might, and so, I thought everything was going to be fine. I didn’t think he would end up calling the police and getting half of the High Command and a MSE droid inadvertently arrested.

Phasma didn’t actually spend any time in jail. I think she scared the cops into letting her go which I’m glad for. But there’s still a lot of tension between her and Poe, and I really don’t want him dead now that we’re engaged.

**POE:** I acted entirely in self-defense, but it did go kind of far. I really didn’t think the police would come and arrest everyone within a five-meter perimeter, but apparently that’s the policy for the Stormtrooper cops.

**PHASMA:** I’m disappointed in Hux for a lot of reasons. He didn’t bother to lend a hand getting me out of the fire pit, for one thing. When I asked him about it over text, he said Kylo was choking him, so he couldn’t come, but that’s not a valid excuse unless he was choking for the past four months. And now, he didn’t even talk to me or anyone else in the First Order before getting engaged to the Rebel Scum who blew up Starkiller?

He does inconsiderate things like that sometimes. I think it’s because he was the youngest officer here for a long while, so Snoke used to spoil him with all these new weapons… like an entire planet to build Starkiller.

_(later, back in Armitage’s chambers)_

**_Armitage:_ ** _Poe, what the hell was that?_

**_Poe:_ ** _Are you seriously blaming me for this?_

**_Armitage:_ ** _Well, you **were** the one who tried to get people arrested._

**_Poe:_ ** _She was trying to impale me, Hugs! What was I supposed to do?!_

**_Armitage:_ ** _Talk it out, run faster, I don’t know. You’re a grown man! You should be able to handle these things on your own!_

**ARMITAGE:** I think there’s definitely an issue with communication between Poe and Phasma. Both of them are going to need to work on that.

**_Poe:_ ** _Yeah, because you were such a huge help back there!_

**_Armitage:_ ** _I was waiting for our drink orders in the café! It’s rude to leave the barista hanging like that without a tip! But you know what, if you’re just going to blame everything on me, I’ll just show myself out! (storms out of chambers)_

**POE:** In retrospect, I probably should have tipped the barista at the café, but Hugs always has more change on him than me… I guess it was that, and also the fact that it kind of bothers me when he storms out of the room all screamy and crying like that that made me go after him. I get kind of worried when he storms off because either he’s going to blow up something he probably shouldn’t blow up or he’s going to cry over a tub of ice cream and end up feeding most of it to his cat, which is like… bad for the cat and stuff.

**ARMITAGE:** Poe and I had a really long talk about the incident. We’ve decided that the best way to go about our marriage is to get it done with as soon as possible so that neither of our families have enough time to complain about the engagement or get the chance to kill either of us, which is about what I’m used to in the First Order. Finalizing things before I have time to regret it… that’s why our ship is called the _Finalizer_ if I’m not mistaken.

* * *

 

_[Cut to Kylo and Rey in a room with Darth Vader’s helmet on the table.]_

**_Rey:_ ** _What’s this about?_

**_Kylo:_ ** _I thought you needed to sit down and talk things over with Grandfather. You both have a lot of strong emotions and I think you need to let it out, maybe smash some things if you need to._

**_Rey:_ ** _I’m not talking to your Grandfather’s melted head!_

**_Kylo:_ ** _Don’t say that in front of him!_

**REY:** I spoke with Leia, Ben’s mom, about this issue with his Grandfather’s helmet. She says she doesn’t know how he got it, but he brought it home one day when he was six and has been talking to it since then. I also asked her whether she ever did anything about it. She just shrugged it off.

**_Kylo:_** _(alone with Vader’s helmet after Rey storms off) Sorry, Grandfather. I tried. I really tried._

**KYLO:** I think my Grandfather is really stressed out having Rey around. He just suffers in silence. It’s hard because I love her… but I also love my Grandfather. I’m thinking of summoning his Force ghost one day. I think that might make it a little easier for them to talk.

 

* * *

 

Next up on 90 Day Grey Fiancé…

**_[Cut to Kylo flying his TIE Silencer to the shopping mall.]_ **

**_Kylo:_ ** _I’m going helmet shopping with Rey to replace my helmet and hopefully get her one too. It’s going to make her hair look great._

**_Rey:_ ** _(calling in from the Millennium Falcon) I told you I’m not wearing one!_

**KYLO:** Things have been rough with Rey. Especially now that my weird uncle’s Force ghost keeps popping up and sabotaging my fashion advice.

 

_[Cut to Poe and Armitage hurrying to sign a stack of paperwork to register a marriage in the First Order. Poe’s phone rings.]_

**_Poe:_** _(answers phone) Hey, Dad! Uh… yeah, it’s true. I thought I texted you about the engagement. You mean it… well, I guess it didn’t go through. Uh… I’m kind of in the middle of something. I’ll call you back once I’m down signing the stuff for the marriage certification. Okay? Bye!_

**_Armitage:_ ** _What was that?_

**POE:** I’m glad that we passed the point of no return before my dad called, because he’d probably try to kill Hugs if we weren’t married. He might still, but it’s less likely.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
